Who Ages Faster: US Presidents or Detroit Lions Head Coaches?
It's common knowledge that the President of the United States ages faster during their time in office than a Ukrainian woman after the age of 45...but the position of head coach for the Detroit Lions may accelerate the ravages of time even more.
Least Aged: Eric, can you insert side by side photos?
Dick Jauron/William Henry Harrison- Don't worry, it's totally okay to not know which one was President. Un-ironically, the best way to not age as president or as coach of the Lions is to die a quick death. Jaruon finished 1-4 in 2005. Harrison died in 1841 after 31 days in office. You might give the nod to Jauron there for the tenure, but 31 days in 1841 is a solid 2 years now, maybe like 10 or so if you count for how nice it is to have plumbing and the internet. Some believe that Harrison contracted his illness at the inauguration (thanks a lot, Marty "Shit-Hands" Van Buren)- either way he died pretty damn quickly upon entering office. Jauron was exiled to Buffalo, i.e., the 9th circle of Dante's Inferno for a stint with the Bills. Harrison was buried in Ohio, i.e., the best the way to be in Ohio.
Decision- Harrison. The office literally killed him. Might seem merciful compared to 3 years in Buffalo no denying that the dude aged fast.
Oh Hey It's Me Again: The Extra Tenure is Good!
Franklin Delano Roosevelt /George "Potsy" Clark- The only two zany/sadistic enough to say "fuck it, let's do it again!" (grover cleveland might be a better fit here, penny for your thoughts) Clark won it all in his first season (1934, the first season the Lions moved from Portsmouth, Ohio to Detroit) and leads all Lions coaches in career winning percentage. As if you needed a new reason to mock this shitshow organization- the best winning percentage the Lions have had from a coach was a guy nicknamed Potsy that began his career coaching the Portsmouth Spartans that would later move to Detroit and become the Lions... During the Depression. He was also a dreamboat and died in the 1970's- not of polio.
Decision- FDR. The Great Depression and World War 2 will definitely age ya. You saw FDR at Yalta, yikes. Potsy was
sliz well into his 80s.
Richard Nixon/Wayne Fontes- No clue why, this just feels right.
I need to learn this better, but check these images out: the first says "America, I can't wait to fuck you." The second is more of a holy shit Nixon didn't feel any fucking stress. http://fuckyeahhistorycrushes.tumblr.com/post/86326447628/young-richard-nixon-d
The difference between youthful presidential exuberance and 5 years of Vietnam, intense paranoia, and leaving office as the most disgraced president ever is really just a bit of pommade and better lighting.
http://www.purpleclover.com/entertainment/3243-10-us-presidents-and-after-their-terms/item/richard-nixon/
